One of my favorite authors, activist and change-maker Glennon Doyle, was being interviewed on the podcast, Good Life Project.  Glennon writes from her personal experiences but as an introvert finds it difficult to do book tours.  During the interview, Glennon quipped that she became a writer so she could stay in her pajamas and said that she was asking her father advice on how to make the book tour mean something more than just calling attention to herself.  Glennon’s father advised her with the words “when you get to the party you gotta dance with the one that brought you.”  This made Glennon reflect on what brought her to do what she does (basically her “why”) and led her to focus the book tour’s attention on those who live out the purpose in their lives.

After reading Jon Gordon’s The Power of Positive Leadership, our Garrard County leadership team was inspired to periodically remind ourselves  to focus on the “why we do what we do.” It’s a common motto or theme in schools to say we are “all about kids” or we are “student-centered” or that all our decisions are made in the best interest of children, but we have taken it a step further in creating our own mission/vision statements.  We know that we want to have a positive impact on children, but this summer we started the process of thinking about what really brought us to the dance of education leadership.  We thought about how we could use the talents and gifts we were given to make a difference in the lives of children from our positions.

My personal vision is to use my enthusiasm and positivity to serve staff and students in providing a collaborative environment of continuous growth and improvement where students want to learn, and staff want to teach.  

It is my mission to encourage and motivate each and every member of our school staff so together students and staff can “risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight” as we learn and grow together.

These statements keep me going.  I truly believe I was given gifts to serve the staff, students, and families of Paint Lick.  They help me focus on meaningful work that I hope will make a difference.

Just make a mark and see where it takes you.

This week we celebrated International Dot Day at Paint Lick Elementary.   Based on the book, The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds, this day celebrates the themes of creativity, courage, and collaboration.  Teachers had the students create dot-themed art, participate in dot-themed writing and math activities, wear dots, and think about what it means to make your mark and pass it on.

I listened to The Dot being read on Youtube Friday morning as I was getting ready for work and teared up as once again the books powerful messages hit me in new ways. In the past I thought about the message from the perspective of the teacher.  I was inspired by the teacher’s impact on Vashti–how her encouragement and creativity moved Vashti to find the courage to create.  This year, however, I thought more about the collaboration theme and how Vashti made an impact on her peers.  I’ve been thinking about how after Vashti shared her gift she was able to get the little boy to start taking baby steps towards expressing himself as an artist.

What opportunities do we have as educators to share our struggles, journeys, and perspectives to the benefit of others?  When we share our art, others benefit from not just seeing the finished product, but also the many drafts and processes that we go through.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons I place such a high value on collaborative planning and teamwork.  True collaboration like we strive for in a professional learning community isn’t just each of us pulling our own weight or stepping up and dividing tasks.  It’s wresting with content learning targets, thinking of activities together that will help students master the content, and analyzing student work together.  It’s allowing others a peek in our minds to see how we attack learning and assessment and looking into others’ minds in much the same way math teachers encourage students to “show their work.”

If each of us on a team takes a subject, plans it on our own and then shares our plans with our teammates it’s like going to the art gallery instead of the design studio.  Yes, you can take that picture home and hang it on the wall (it certainly is a lot faster than creating your own) but what about getting the inspiration and courage to create?  When we have lessons handed to us we save time, but wouldn’t we be much more savvy with the delivery of the lessons, understanding the content much deeper, if we work together to create them?

The master artist also benefits personally by sharing his craft.  Artists who teach report that talking about their technique inspires creativity and helps them to focus on their own processes.   Everyone benefits and gets better in team planning–even the person who serves as the lead for a particular subject.  The leader will improve instruction in his or her classroom, the teammate’s and the school.  If we have that practice school-wide, students will come to you better prepared.  It’s a way we can guarantee a viable curriculum for all students no matter who the teacher is.

There are few that could argue with the benefits of collaboration.  The major barrier seems to be time.  I would argue that if we put in the time on the front end to collaborate when we plan, then we would save time in the long run.  If we collaborate we will have lessons that reach students better, requiring less time on the back end through reteaching and intervention.  It’s not just about having the courage to make a mark, it’s about being willing to share that mark with others. After you make a mark, see where it takes you.  Then sign it.

The quest for balance is never far from my mind.  Like many educators I’m constantly struggling to balance my work demands, home life, and healthy routines.  I am keenly aware of when I am out of balance.  It usually shows up physically as fatigue or weight gain, or emotionally as dissatisfaction, guilt, or frustration.  When I wrote the post, “The Run/Walk Interval,” I appreciated the struggle I was having and recognized that that weekend I was taking a “walk break” so that I could “run” with the demands of the work.  Throughout these first days as a new principal I recognized and appreciated that my work would need the most weight initially, but I missed a key part of my balance: the fulcrum.  There is attention that needs to be paid to my center or fulcrum so that I am better able to discern when to stop and start the running and walking parts of the interval.

For me, my spiritual life is at my center.  It’s the fulcrum upon which all the demands of my life balance.  When I am not giving the proper attention to that which grounds me, I don’t have the proper perspective needed to make wise decisions, nor do I have the stamina to do what is needed to run effectively.  I realized this week that I have seen the routines related to my spiritual life as just another set of obligations that demand my attention.  When, at different times of my life these routines are put first, the other demands or weights tend to balance themselves much more easily.  I also find that I am better able to manage the work itself.  On the other hand, when I don’t ground myself in my spiritual practices, then I spend way too much time working and am not as effective in that time.

I knew as a principal that there would be days when I would need to give more time to management responsibilities than instructional leadership.  What I did not fully realize or appreciate was the impact these days would have on my stress level.  I am beginning to realize that when I have a week when I give a lot of time to work, but feel like I have made positive impact on learning, I don’t feel negative consequences of stress.  I feel a sense of satisfaction.  Weeks when I don’t feel like I have moved the ball much instructionally because I have had to focus mainly on management issues, I don’t come away with a sense of satisfaction.  Instead, I feel drained and can feel defeated. This past week I was there.  I didn’t have any resources to draw from.  I probably got more sleep this week than I have any week this month, yet I felt exhausted everyday.  My stress was managed unsuccessfully and I left feeling ineffective.

Fortunately, I have a new week–a chance to start over with a fresh focus and plan for implementing new routines.  These routines will be aimed at my fulcrum. I will wake up 15 minutes earlier to read a daily devotional and end each day with reflection, meditation and prayer.  It will be interesting to see the impact of these routines no matter what kind of week I have.  It will be interesting to see what happens when I focus on the fulcrum.

My mother told me a long time ago, “Do not compare your insides to someone else’s outside.”  The meaning behind this advice can commonly be seen through the way many of us experience social media. We look at the images that others put out there of a seemingly “perfect life” and compare our reality to that. Some will capture this sentiment by saying, “Never compare someone else’s highlight reel with your behind the scenes footage.”  For that reason, I rarely aimlessly scroll through Facebook. If I am not careful I find that after scrolling through everyone’s beautiful Easter pictures or family hiking outings, I come to the conclusion that everyone has it all together and I am a complete failure as a mother. Obviously, my perspective is flawed, but sometimes it is difficult to tell yourself that in the moment.

I think professionally, I have the tendency to compare myself with my own expectations of what I should accomplish in a day compared to what really happens.  At the end of the day, instead of focusing on the positives of what I did get done, I compare my reality to the Twitter or Facebook image I have crafted of myself in my mind of how I want to be. I think it’s great to have a vision of where I want to be, but not when it causes me to reject the learning and progress I am making each day.

This week was a tough one for me.  It seemed like I couldn’t gain any traction with anything I was trying to get accomplished. I would try to solve a problem and think it was settled and something else would be presented that made it persist. I couldn’t get resolution.  I REALLY wanted to cross some things off my list and they would NOT go away! I wanted to get some of these issues that weren’t related to my mission and vision taken care of, so that I could focus on what was “really important.”

I think I am in need of change in perspective on several levels. First, my language as I write this is in need of an adjustment.  Lots of “I,” and “my.”  It’s not all about me! In my quest for what “I” want to accomplish I am missing out on what “we” have done.  I need to remind myself that I am here to serve and support my colleagues as we work to support “our” mission. THAT is the work—not my to-do list.  Second, I need to focus on our accomplishments for the week instead of comparing myself to some warped view I have of the way I should be.   This week we had our first PLC meetings, we had a “flipped” staff meeting, I had the opportunity to speak to some state legislators, I got to see some great instruction through walkthroughs, and I went on a school visit with a team of teachers.  That’s all good stuff and a pretty amazing week!

One of the neatest things that happened this week was the way several staff members rallied around one of our own, first to help a struggling student, and then again when a staff member’s room needed a lot of help.  People forgot their own agendas and did what was needed when it was needed.  That was a beautiful expression of love, teamwork, and compassion.  That’s what we are about at our school and team.  I can learn a valuable lesson from them.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed this evening.  I have a list of “todos” that I go through on Sundays.  I send out an email and “one call” to my families and an instructionally-focused email to the staff.  Before I send out my staff email, I like to draft a new blog post. This week, I also have a few items on my list that are due tomorrow that I do not normally have.  In addition, it was a beautiful weekend.  In my efforts to get some exercise and enjoy the weather I went for an hour bike ride yesterday and a 2-hour hike today.  Now, I feel a knot in my stomach as I think of what needs to be accomplished before I go to bed.  I also want to be sure that I get enough sleep so that I can get up to exercise at 4:30 AM.

I know I am not alone in my feelings of being overwhelmed.   Many educators who try to balance the demands and joys of family time on the weekends with staying caught up with work feel this pressure on Sunday nights.  I’m not sure what the answer is, but I know that I put a lot of this pressure on myself.  A lot of teachers I know do the same:

We don’t HAVE to have x,y, & z done, but it would be so GREAT, or the kids would just LOVE this activity, or the families would really APPRECIATE that level of communication, or there’s that FABULOUS idea we saw on Pinterest that we could do that would just take a minute…

As I struggle with balance, I am thinking that balance doesn’t mean that I equally incorporate all aspects of my life in equal measure all the time.  It’s proving to be impossible.  I think it’s more like a run/walk interval.  I find that when I do a long run it can help to use a cycle of running for two minutes and walking for one minute.  If I am intentional about periodic walking I don’t feel like I am “slacking” by taking walk breaks and I can go a longer distance without feeling as tired after.

It was a pretty weekend. It was good to be outside.  Perhaps I won’t spend as much time crafting the perfect email this weekend, perhaps my one call will have a couple of words I stumble over, perhaps this blog won’t be a very deep reflection, but it will be okay.  I can not run full out in every aspect of my life perfectly all the time.  Sometimes an intentional walk break is a needed to power through the long run.

Lead learner. Several blogs I read have used this term to describe the principal.  Before I took on this role, I thought that I understood what that meant. Principals should model what we expect out of the staff and students. We should be open to new learning, understand that we don’t have all the answers, have that growth mindset, etc.  I thought, “I got this! I always think there’s more to learn! I  have the attitude that there are tons of ways I can improve and get better! I just love all that stuff! Heck, I’ll even write a blog to make my learning visible to everyone.”

Once again, after only one week, I am reminded about how little I really do know! Understanding the concept of lead learner all depends on how you define learner and true learning. Initially, I suppose I was thinking about learning at the surface level– about “the what and how” of my job–how to support management of the details of the school, how I should plan my PLCs, what should or shouldn’t be included on my first SBDM agenda etc… 

Deep experiential learning, however, is something different.  Allowing myself to be in a position of discomfort and making myself vulnerable are the precursors to deep learning.  When you place yourself in a position of vulnerability, you are going out on a limb.  You are trying or testing a hypothesis.  You are writing for a real audience.  Yes, this will sometimes lead to mistakes and moments that you wish went a different way, but it’s through these experiences that you find that deeper learning.  

After a few mishaps this week, I found myself longing for the time that I wouldn’t be so “new”–the time when I would have this “principal thing” down. The unease and uncertainty is not a comfortable place to be, yet it is through these experiences that I will grow.  That’s what I  keep telling myself, anyway.  

As I learn, I can’t help think about our students.  Do we allow them to go deeper?  Do we plan experiences that provide a “productive struggle” or are we just spoon-feeding them?  Are we providing safe environments for them to go out on a limb? If we are providing these experiences and environments, are we allowing our students to reflect on the experience and transfer their learning?

I find that without reflection, I get stuck in the “I-should-haves” rather than moving on to what I learned and how this will impact future decisions.  Perhaps I need to stop wishing for the time when I won’t be so new and embrace the discomfort and mistakes.  If it’s through these that I learn deeply, then I should be grateful for them.  I need to be intentional about reflecting on what happened, what I learned from the experience and how I can move forward.  I guess being the “lead learner” is not about just being open to new learning, it’s about being open to discomfort, missteps, and still being willing to take risks even when the possibility of messing up exists.   It’s what follows the missteps that makes the difference.

At our opening day staff meeting, teachers individually chose a word to be their focus for the year.  Many teachers picked “balance” as their word.  After my first three days of school as a principal I am thinking that word would have been a good one for me to focus on too.  I am already seeing many situations in which finding a balance will be key to being successful.

I knew going into this new position that each day would bring the unexpected, but I am quickly seeing that finding balance between addressing issues that arise unexpectedly and doing what I had planned will prove to be a challenge.  I am a planner. I love planning and feeling like I am intentionally allocating my time.  I am going to have to find a way to balance being in the classrooms, addressing people’s needs, interacting with students in the cafeteria, and getting desk work done.  I didn’t get into classrooms as much as I wanted these first few days, which (I imagine) is a common challenge among principals, but I didn’t think I would be feeling that pull in the first three days of school.

I think one of the things I need to do is to plan my time specifically in chunks.  (Here I go– planning again!) Time in classrooms from x to x, time to work on this task from y to y, and so on.  Then I can reflect at the end of the day on what got finished and what needs to be carried over to the next day.  If I am not super intentional and prioritize WHAT needs to be done each day, I will run the risk of doing what I have these first few days–being in reactive mode all day then staying after school way too late to get done what HAS to be done before the next day.  Staying too late will not be good in the long run and will throw me off balance in the family, health, and spiritual parts of my life.  I know when I get off balance, the part of my life I am giving the most energy to ultimately suffers, as well.

Regardless of how each day turns out, being reflective will serve me well.  I know I will make many mistakes this first year. This is great news because being reflective will allow me to grow from those mistakes instead of allowing them to dampen my spirit.  I should see tons of growth this year!

I had a false blogging start back in the spring when I took the easy way out by posting something I already had written–the charge I gave to the “graduating” 5th grade class at my previous school.  It was cute and clever, I thought, and a good post to start with since it was already written. Then I took a break.  Worn out, apparently, from that taxing foray into the world of blogging, I haven’t written since–until now when I finally decided to put recent inspiration into action.

It was another blogger’s post that inspired my fingers to get moving.   In his blog, The Principal of Change, George Couros writes about how nothing has made a greater impact on his career and learning than his “learning portfolio” he has created through his blog. I know that I do not completely understand what this digital portfolio “should” look like, but I think that statement I just wrote is in itself the point.  I am learning.  I am learning to be a leader, a blogger, and a curator of a digital portfolio.

When I think of blogging as a way to make my thinking and learning transparent, instead of as a way to teach and inspire others it makes it “safer” to me.  It doesn’t have to be perfect or impress anyone. It doesn’t have to be polished.  It’s my thinking–my learning–my growth. It’s for me and for others, but my blogging will be like glimpses into my sketchbook, not a visit to a gallery to see my paintings.  If I can write this blog for the purpose of writing to learn instead of writing to demonstrate learning I can handle that.

So what’s the point then?  What’s the value in allowing others to see my thinking?  Well, first, I believe in being transparent. I want the folks that I am serving and supporting to know where I stand and where ideas that I might share are coming from.  I want others to know my philosophies and what it’s important to me.  In turn, I want to encourage others to share their ideas with me.  I don’t want to make false assumptions about anyone and I feel very strongly about giving everyone the benefit of the doubt in terms of intentions and motivations.

Second, two of the characteristics that I value most as an educator are being reflective and open to new learning.  The most effective teachers I have known are constantly reflecting on their practice and what they can do even better next time.  They never stop learning and are hungry to learn.   I need to model what I value.  Blogging for me will be reflective writing and my blog will be where I reflect on the new learning that I am constantly engaged in.

Last, but perhaps the most important reason why I think blogging will be valuable is because it is another way to connect me to the types of experiences I want our students to be prepared for.  In the early days of the Kentucky Education Reform Act (KERA), we who were teaching then learned how important it was to be writers ourselves as we taught our students to “publish” through the writing process.  We participated in professional development where we wrote pieces for different purposes and audiences. Audiences, modes of writing, and publishing have changed quite a bit since the 90’s.  Whether it is through email, a newsletter, a blog, or social media, my profession requires that I can write quickly, concisely, and fluidly go through all stages of the writing process almost simultaneously.  This is the type of writing that is most relevant to our students.

I hope that that this post will encourage others to reflect and be brave enough to make their thinking visible too.  It’s okay to have false starts from time to time.  That’s just part of it–as long as I continue to start and keep going.  I hope that I will grow and improve my skills as a leader and educator, but this I know for sure–I will never stop learning.